My Fair Dinkum Guide to Dating in NYC

To native New Yorkers, I’m still considered a FOP…Fresh Off the Plane as I have only been here the past 6 months. But dating in NYC is always an adventure. You never know if a particular night out will turn into an episode of Sex and the City, The Odd Couple, or Law & Order.

It would be nice to have some expert advice on NYC dating etiquette and what NOT to do…because from what I have seen and heard so far, dating in the Land Down Under is polar opposite.

The “No frills attached way to date”

For Aussies, dating is a dreaded process, with most wishing it could be confined to an episode of Friends. In Australia intimate relationships of any nature happen organically—as does the vast majority of fruit and chicken like you get at Wholefoods here.

Typically, you will meet your love interest through a friend or a friend of a friend or a friend of a friend of a friend. You will hang out in a group and make eyes at each other across a circle of loosely connected people on a rooftop bar or a house party. Eventually you will find yourselves in a corner in deep conversation, laughing and making racist jokes.

You might pash, you might not, but you will exchange numbers. You’ll know that you really like each other when you’re in a taxi going home alone but you’re sending and receiving super cute, incredibly long texties to each other. The next day you’ll probably hang out again— either brunch or one of you will invite the other to a group picnic or to see the latest indie film at the coolest indie cinema with some awesome indie friends. Fantasia.

Time will pass without you noticing and then one day you realize…wow…you’ve hung out almost every day for 2 months. You’ll be lying in bed one Sunday morning reading the paper and drinking orange juice when one will roll over and say to the other, ‘um…we’re like, only seeing each other right?’ The other will shrug their shoulders and casually say ‘I guess,’ because you both knew there was never really a question of anyone else to begin with, mostly because you’re both too lazy or too relaxed for things to be that complicated.

Now New York:

People date in NYC for numerous reasons. You can date for sex, or excitement, or to score free dinners. You can date for "companionship." You can date to climb the status ladder. You can date for free drinks, or taxi rides, or a discount at J.Crew. And to help assist all this, everyone in NYC online dates! But the real shock horror for me was that people date multiple people simultaneously and it's no big deal. In fact, it almost seems expected. Strange central.

Now a typical NYC date…

Mr Wall Street “Hello complete stranger that I know nothing about but would definitely like to bring home. Would you like to go to dinner with me one night so we can sit awkwardly across from each other and ask each other dumb questions about where we grew up?”

Ms Plastic Fantastic “Sure, you’re kind of good looking and you seem rich so I guess I’m going to get a free meal from a place I wouldn’t usually be able to afford.”

Mr Wall Street “Great, what’s your number? I’m asking for it even though I’m not going to text you for at least 3 days because I don’t want to seem too available.”

Ms Plastic Fantastic “That’s OK, I’m going to act like I’m busy the first 2 times you ask me out even though I’m probably just going to be sitting at home by myself watching The Real Housewives of NYC.”

Mr Wall Street “On second thoughts it sounds like you have far too many flaws and I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t fit my absolute ideal of a perfect human.”

New York dating is in it’s own category field universe… just like many of the people here are surely from a different planet, a planet known as NYC.

The first rule of New York dating is that rules do not exist and if you think they do, you should not be diving into this shark tank. Seriously, rules go right out the window when you enter the Holland Tunnel or cross the George Washington Bridge. Logic simply does not exist in the world of New York dating, just like rules.

A good friend slash experienced dater slash native New Yorker passed on these few tips which I will share will my fellow Sheila’s:

1. It may seem obvious, but you should always ask if someone is married. Always. You never know who is hitched, and New Yorkers do not see the sun enough (office tan = pasty white) for there to be a tan line from a wedding ring.

2. Decide why you are dating before dating. If you are looking for a life partner you should adjust your expectations. I have a very eclectic bunch of friends in the city, with ages ranging from early 20’s to late 30’s with the occasional outlier in age…referred to as ‘sugar daddy’ or ‘cougar’. And it’s fact, New Yorkers walk down the isle at a much later, I mean much, much, much later age. It’s totally normal to be single at 40. I recently went to Texas and I was frowned upon for not being married and for not already have popped out like a Brady Bunch amount of kids…at 26!!

The Brady Bunch

3. If you get a text out of the blue that reads something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s been a long time” during the month of February, don’t answer. They just wants a Valentine. If you get a similar text in December, they just wants a date to a New Year’s party. If you get a text of that nature during the summer, answer it. They may want to take you to the Hamptons or some other beach loco.

      But through all the craziness, if you are looking for someone interesting, there is no better place to look. There is so much variety here and thats what I love. Melbourne was kind of small. Once you have been here long enough and learned to greatly appreciate New York crazy, you can embrace the uniqueness of everyone you meet. There are some great guys out  there, all you need to do is sift through the rubbish to get there…but that’s part of the fun…right?